Nature v Nurture

 

When we began the parenting process I had heard of or learned in school of nature vs. nurture.  And in my finite wisdom at that age I believed that yes the child inherits parental genes but surely nurture would take over and the love and care, material and spiritual needs, actions and reactions in the parenting dance would supersede nature.  Even when we adopted I would probably put nurture at way over the halfway mark maybe in three-quarter range.

And then of course came teen years when their job was too push boundaries and ours was to expand the boundary but still instill values and keep them safe….and I asked “where did this come from?”  Suddenly nature surely was way ahead!

And into their adulthood and the need to still protect  but the boundaries were theirs not ours and our pride in these children now adults is often overwhelming.  Where did it come from?

Recently I read the book Not Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon.  He writes,

“When I was born, the common view was that nurture decided almost everything.  In the decades that followed, the emphasis shifted about the intricate ways that nature and nurture propel each other.  I was intellectually persuaded by this nuanced integration, but the experience of having my own children has made me wonder if a third element is involved, some unknowable inflection of spirit or divinity.”

His words resonated with me….perhaps in addition to nature and nurture there is this third component.  That works ….nature + nurture +  divinity.