When we began the parenting process I had heard of or learned in school
of nature vs. nurture. And in my finite
wisdom at that age I believed that yes the child inherits parental genes but
surely nurture would take over and the love and care, material and spiritual
needs, actions and reactions in the parenting dance would supersede
nature. Even when we adopted I would
probably put nurture at way over the halfway mark maybe in three-quarter range.
And then of course came teen years when their job was too push boundaries
and ours was to expand the boundary but still instill values and keep them
safe….and I asked “where did this come from?”
Suddenly nature surely was way ahead!
And into their adulthood and the need to still protect but the
boundaries were theirs not ours and our pride in these children now adults is
often overwhelming. Where did it come
from?
Recently I
read the book Not Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon. He writes,
“When I was
born, the common view was that nurture decided almost everything. In the decades that followed, the emphasis shifted
about the intricate ways that nature and nurture propel each other. I was intellectually persuaded by this
nuanced integration, but the experience of having my own children has made me
wonder if a third element is involved, some unknowable inflection of spirit or
divinity.”
His words resonated with
me….perhaps in addition to nature and nurture there is this third component. That works ….nature + nurture +
divinity.
